The Post That Has No Name

I don't know what to call this post yet, but give me a second.

...

Just kidding, I i still don't know what to call it.


I haven't posted anything on my blog in a really long time; I remember always wanting it to be better (and, actually, hating the zebra background but being unable to find anything better). I remember loving the responses that I got, even though there weren't many comments. More than anything, I loved looking at the statistics and seeing the audience spread across the globe. I was an awkward highschooler who was happy to have any readers and nothing was better than seeing the countries that the readers were from; not only Namibia and the United States, but Russia, France, South Africa, Latvia, and several others. I loved learning about what people love to read (which, by the way, is not this post, because there are no photos and it is not arranged in an oddly satisfying list of information).


However, when I left for college, I found it harder to write anything. I had all these ideas for better posts and I wanted to make a prettier, more exciting blog out of this. Maybe I will someday, when I get my head around everything that I'm doing (ha.) or at least feel more like a grown up (when does that kick in?) or just maybe when I've sorted exactly what it is to be a grown up missionary kid.


Which is complicated, by the way; sinking into my existence as a repatriated adult MK. My life isn't so exotic. My window panes aren't dusty. My feet don't ache from hours of dance. I no longer wake up to the cries and happy sounds that little girls make when they're getting ready for school or to the light of the Namibian sun as it rises to bake the roof of our house. I miss youth group and music and teaching dance classes, but I miss being Ousie most of all.


And it isn't all gone, by the way (I'd like to end on a happier note). There's a reason I cannot prioritize blogging anymore! I'm learning great things and it's all coming at me at eighty words per minute (which is my typing speed, by the way), at the speed of whipping pirouettes (which I can barely do anymore), and I feel like a child with a whole lot of big, grown up decisions on the table in front of me, but it's so exciting. I have places to go, things to discover, people to love - a future, but also a past I'm still connected to.


And I'm praying all the time that I never forget where I am from.

Seven Tips on Fasting

I've been learning a lot about fasting lately - recently, a friend of mine was hospitalized after a terrible accident. I spent the day fasting ... it was only a partial fast, I had a long, busy day ahead of me and I knew that if I didn't eat anything at all, I would get grumpy and ridiculous and depressed all at once.

But what is the point of fasting? A friend of mine asked me that once about a year ago.  I pondered it again yesterday as the deep anxiety and sadness weighed on my heart; I was fasting  to help me focus, to express myself, and to sacrifice something to God ... all at once.

After a long time mulling over exactly what it means to fast and what the point of it might be, I thought I'd write about what I've learned; here are seven things that are important to keep in mind during a spiritual fast!








.1 Keep your motivation in focus at all times.

Don't let other purposes creep into the fast; there have been times I've halfheartedly done a fast that I kept up to help me lose weight at least as much as I did it as an act of worship. After a while, I realized there was something very wrong about this. 

First of all, you have to fully understand your own passion that first drove you to sacrifice your time and food-energy for God. If your sacrifice begins to twist into something focused on yourself, it starts to seem purposeless; don't get me wrong though! Occasionally, a liquid fast is fantastic for your physical health, but don't start something for God, then get lost along the path for any reason.



.2 Baby steps are more effective than leaps.

I would suggest that you always set small time limits on a fast, regardless of whether you're experienced in spiritual fasting  or not. Taking the fast one meal - or even one hour - at a time makes every decision to keep going more personal; every  milestone you hit will remind you once again to pray ... even if all you say is, 'God, this next hour I'm fasting again for you to show my passion/dedication ..." and so on. 

This method also eliminates guilt when you crack for that chocolate chip cookie after only five hours without eating; what we often forget is that a small but heartfelt sacrifice is better than none at all. I even believe something like eating plain rice for breakfast (in stead of your usual coffee, cereal, and fruit) in remembrance of the poor in third world countries counts as a beautiful and effective fast in the Lord's eyes. 


.3 Make prayer the central part of your fast.

Want to set food aside for a while without spending any of your day in prayer? I personally believe that that's nothing but starving yourself. Even busy people find the time for what's most important to them - pray as you work, study, or clean, if only for a few minutes at a time! If prayer is made the most central part of your sacrifice, then the more difficult parts of the fast will be easier to overcome.

.4 Pay attention to body cues.

If you feel sick, take a break. It's simple. The problem is, sometimes that's easier said than done; most of the hardship of a fast is a battle of the mind. Sometimes, it's harder than you expect to resist when faced with a sugary craving ... but to force yourself to eat something healthy when you can feel yourself going downhill. 

Anyone facing extreme dizziness, trembling, or a racing heart should stop or pause their fast to take care of their bodies; God may ask for sacrifice or self-control, but the point of a fast is never to make yourself ill. 

Don't be upset if you have to stop! If you're still determined to continue the fast later, pick yourself up again, keep yours eyes on the goal, and restart when you feel prepared.


.5 Fasting is not for everyone.

If fasting begins to do the opposite of its purpose - it begins to distract you from your prayer time or passionate focus on God - discontinue the fast. There's little point in it if it doesn't better you spiritually. And don't forget - it's also just fine to start again another time.


.6 Don't forget less common forms of fasting.

As in ... every other fasts that do not involve good.

God honors sacrifices of other forms too, of course! If you like, you can sacrifice time on your phone, laptop or TV, create isolation or rest time for the sole purpose of prayer, or anything else you might pick. Just find things that really mean something to you or will symbolize your serious commitment to seeking out wisdom or blessing from God. 

As long as you keep in mind that fasting is a form of worship, you really can't go wrong! Personally, I tend to stick with liquids that I believe will give me enough energy to keep going without any serious calories (e.g., apple juice, green tea, carrot juice, non-fat milk). Otherwise, if I'm particularly committed, I'll only drink water - I do this in small steps to bring to the surface of my heart the emptiness or ache I feel over a particular tragedy. The physical reminder gives me the strength to keep praying. One night, in stead of doing a food fast, I stayed awake several hours later than I was used to being awake (at the time) and prayed non-stop. I kept awake until I felt a spiritual 'break through' and was able to go to sleep in peace ... not just because I was tired, but because I felt like my prayers had been powerful and effective. I saw answers and tangible evidence of that breakthrough within days.


.7 Pay attention to words from God or breakthroughs in prayer.

Last but not least. This one is particularly important, of course! More often than not, fasting brings us closer to God and opens our hearts to the spiritual world. I don't exactly understand the chemistry behind this, but I've heard it from others and I've felt it myself; for those of you who haven't experienced anything while fasting, I personally feel as though I make a breakthrough in prayer immediately after I break my fast, more often than not. Again, I can only imagine why this is, but God speaks to people in a variety of different ways and during different times. 

If you're working or busy while you fast, make certain you have windows of time to soak in the presence of God. 

In fact, for many of us, just setting some time aside for prayer and fasting becomes a basic lesson on just how to savor the presence of God; an invaluable lesson you'll never forget.

The Deal with Good Byes

I've said good bye to a lot lately - people, places, old comforts - without any true promise of seeing or experiencing their presence again. I have had to move on from dying relationships, leave behind sweet places I couldn't live at forever, and do what I could to let go of material comforts that faded, were eaten up, or were just too heavy to bring in my suitecase with me across the ocean.

The truth is, I hate to cry in front of people. I really do ... but the dignity I protect is a luxury I cannot afford when I've said the number of hard good byes that I have. I always wanted to say that letting go of people got easier as I got used to it, but I can't seem to callouse my heart enough. I wonder if anyone can.

But here I am; after stretching seasons, cycles of tears and laughter, quiet nights alone and slow mornings where I have little motivation to get up and live ... I am alive and I am thriving. I am in a country I have never called my own ... with friends I never would have met otherwise, particular, simple joys I never would have known elsewhere, and a blossoming peace in the solitude and among the questions. I have no doubt God will take care of my family and I; my faith has held strong! And now, after the many good byes I have suffered with, the seasons of testing, adjustment and faith, I find myself looking at a completely new, fresh, and exciting life ... just breaching the horizon.

　
　

I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.
John 14: 18, KJV

My Mom's Birthday!

Why am I sharing the birthday letter I wrote to my mom, you ask?

Well. I'll tell you. It's because my mom - also basically my teacher, role model and friend - is really wonderful and I wanted the internet to know how much I love her. I get told all the time (I literally mean on a daily basis) that we look exactly alike and that I act, sound or even write like my mom does. All of this makes me proud, 'cause if I turned out to be the gracious, child-lovin', Jesus-chasin', advice-givin' kitchen master my mom is, I would be delighted.

Beware; this is completely full of randomness and bursts of love.



Dear Mommy,

Happy (insert number of choice)th birthday! Hopefully this gift is exactly what you asked for. Please wear to Church next week!   (Side note: among some sweeter things, I bought my mom a pirate eye patch from the party section the other day. Just a little bit of Graham weirdness.)

Thank you for inviting me to come to the conference  - I had a great weekend with you and I would do it again, even with the neck/ back pain!

I meant what I said yesterday! I'm glad I can talk to you as a mom and as a friend, particularly as I get older and  need a mature opinion in certain situations. You've done a great, great job at more than just raising me.  And 19 + years of work have paid off, Mom! I'm fabulous.

So here's to the perfect day (and year ... and life) for my beautiful, awesome Mom. May you live at least another ... 58 years. Yep. That'd be great.

I love you!

Sincerely,

Kailey

One of Them

The people who help you up
And the people who hug you till your tears are dry
Are the people who feel you -
The people who burned with you when the match was struck;

People who are burned already.

The truth is that ache is unavoidable,
But ache is what gives us power.
When you’ve fallen, you haven’t lost;
Not nearly as much as you’ve gained.
Those who fall are those who will fall over and over again
Everyday with their friends who suffer beside them.

Yes – everyday. Every friend who feels the repercussions of divorce,
Every soul that wastes away slowly under the increasing pressure of depression,
Every child who’s been left without a mother,
Every mother left without her child,
Everyday and everyone.

The tears of an angel harvested
By the man who promised her the stars,
The sweat of a child, terrified
Of the sound beating he knows is coming,
The sleepless weeks of a mother
Who misses the son she lost to tragedy,
The dark circles on a good heart
Whose hands are tied as they watch their house fall.

You know them all -
And all of them personally.
You know their ache and the sound of their breath
When it hitches, even though they’re too tired to cry.
You remember and you feel it -
Like the slit never healed,
Like the devil never left,
Like the shadows never fled,
Like the coffin never closed,
Like the bruise never changed,
Like words are still ringing,
Like the blow is still stinging,
Like the orphan is still waiting,
And the gates are still locked shut.

But every time you fall with them
(And fall with them again and again),
You remember;
Cuts do close!
The devil grows tired.
The sun chases the darkness over the far, far horizon.
You can silence the words.
There are good people in the world
Who will come and save us from abandonment ,
Who come and lift us from tragedy,
Who can feel with us and breathe with us and pray with us
Until the locks fall and the gates crumble -
And you remember,
You are one of them now.

The Ultimate Care Package Guide

This post is for those who want to know what to send to missionaries or other people overseas whom they support... or, possibly, for the many people who will wonder why my family is bringing 114,612 bags back to Africa with us when we go. I mean, more or less that amount. 

The truth is, my family is hoarding for their next two years in Namibia, where they will be isolated from all the little luxurious things that the average American takes for granted; not us, guys. Here is a list of the many little American things that we treasure like Gollum and his juicy, sweet fish. (Oh, sorry ... a little too creepy?)

This is not me begging for anything -I promise. In fact, our family has enough, thanks to the provision of God - I'm trying to encourage readers who aren't quite sure how to bless people that they know overseas.


Candy from passport country 

Americans overseas love to receive Twizzlers, Skittles, M&M's and just about anything involving peanut butter or chocolate from back home. If the people you support are from countries other than the States, I'm sure their cravings will be much different, but those who sorely miss The Land of the Fat (also known as these-here United States of 'Murrica) would love for you to send them a carefully wrapped and taped package of glucose, carbs and cocoa madness. Please do.


Specialty foods 

Learn their health issues - is anyone in their family or on their team sugar-free, gluten-free, or otherwise on a special diet? (Our family, for example, appreciates gluten-free or corn-free mixes or pasta.) Small packages of dry things don't cost too much to send and are more easily preserved. If you need any further help thinking of things to send, consider bags of light-weight sugar-free candy, gluten-free brownie mix, milk or egg substitutes, protein powder, artificial sweeteners or even medicine they might need.


(Instant) Tea or coffee 

This one is especially for Starbucks fans, but the honest truth is that you can find lovers of tea, coffee or hot chocolate in any culture/ country of the world. It's safe to assume that the person you are sending this care package to will enjoy some kind of instant drink. Also, tea bags are really light and easy to send. Boom! Everybody wins.


School Supplies 

In case the family you support has not begged you for school supplies yet, here you go; they most likely want - no, strongly covet the school supplies you are about to send them. For those people across the globe working with children, pretty pencils, some Elmer's graft glue, colored paper, stickers and coloring books may very well sound like heaven. They probably wonder where all their erasers and pencil sharpeners have disappeared to and would love for you to save them from an eraser-less-pencil-sharpener-less fate. Please, have some compassion on the tired teachers and missionaries across the world.


Kid's movies 

Any kind of family friendly entertainment will likely do the trick, actually - particularly family films, educational shows or, generally, any entertainment with a wholesome message. Think Frozen, Barney, Narnia, Meet the Robinsons, etc. You might also send ministry movies (even if they're generally for an older audience) to help them further their cause; To Save A Life, Veggie Tales, Indescribable, the Jesus Film - ask the missionaries about their audience and what they could use for their ministry.


Letters

A  letter from an old friend I haven't seen in ages? Ooooh, please, yes. This is just as good as anything else you could send. You never know who may need a word of encouragement or a reminder that their friends haven't forgotten them! Send a little love.


Spontaneous Items

 Think of unique, mail-able things that could brighten anyone's day. Even if it's from the Dollar Store, it could be an incredible blessing to the people you support. Think fun sticker sheets, glow sticks, tubes of glitter, card games, magazines, silly putty, yarn, chewing gum - if you include bubble wrap, then hey! Some of us consider that a gift in and of itself.

My Africa

 I found this poetic and real. It's a good description of the place I miss! This isn't much of a blog post, but I don't think I need to add anything else.

Originally from this website:  http://www.afrostylemag.com/ASM9/